insecurity

i feel so insecure about myself. im having a hard time to express what's on my mind. i want to scribble it but my hands and mind can't to it. why others can express their feelings in sensible ways? why i can't? it's a cliche but it's true. i want to improve myself from introverted to confident one. crappy. *please bare with my crappiness*

times has passed but still im nothing. i finished my school but still im jobless. ive been through a lot of interviews but they all rejected me why? what wrong with me? perhaps things happened for a certain reason. but what's that fucking reason that im telling. confusion that reigns inside ruins my path towards success. im always confused about my plot in life i don't have the courage to pursue it and i ended up regretting why i didn't try? the answer to this is, i have schizoid personality which i don't like hearing critisism. if i hear critisism about me i always starts to loathe and feel discouragement about myself. i felt great humiliation coz im like this *stupid*. im a very introverted i wish i would change as soon as possible.

moving on to my next drama scene.

i felt depression, enviousness, insecurity when i watched reporters notebook last night, it's about nurses in america almost of them succeed on their chosen career. they have built beautiful houses in 3 years time and bought a great car. unluckily some of them experienced maltreatment they didn't received enought salary even they working over time. they resigned from their job and they found another employer. and now they were impleaded by their previous employer for breach of contract. A girl said if your filipino nurse working in america you have to be aggresive don't let american nurses step you down.